LONG LIVE LOE DRXP 👑💔👑
By BL Shirelle
My first Executive Producer credit went to one of the most inspiring artists and supreme lyricists I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, B. Alexis. Little did I know music would connect us to something deeper…
💔🙏🏾❤️🩹
I met B. Alexis for the first time in person at a Southern correctional facility in 2019. Walking into a prison for the first time as a free woman was surreal, but B's presence was the grounding I needed. I was impressed by her lyrical ability. I could tell she'd been through some shit, as have I. We didn’t have to discuss our internal wounds… it was just understood. Real recognize real and she looked familiar.
While there, B. Alexis and I bonded over music, lyricism, our Southern backgrounds (my grandmother is from where B. Alexis is from), but more than anything we bonded over motherhood. It didn't happen as fast as it sounds though. It was a very organic, natural evolution that has changed me forever. I had brought my son, then 14, to the prison with me. Being a high risk child since his early years, I wanted him to feel the harsh conditions, taste the slop on the trays, and be a witness to mass incarceration (shout out to Evie). B. Alexis and I both had sons of the same age and B checked on my child every time we spoke and vice versa. So much so that when they started growing into men we began encountering the same struggles as mothers to sons who had incarcerated parents for a lengthy period. This dynamic brought us closer than ever before.
As Fury and I planned another trip down South, I started communicating with B's son, Ja’Mir. I even started learning more about him personally. I would share her music with him to which he would respond dotingly “My mama cold man,” 😏 his voice dripping with pride. I tasked him to coordinate our visit, gather family and schedule our stops, which he was executed efficiently and seemed pleased to do. He was a musician; a rapper who was also working on being a recording engineer. He was also gifted in science and math, an honor roll student, and a member of the robotics team at school. A multi-faceted young man who worked at Bojangles while balancing schoolwork. We swapped beats and music and every time he dropped a video I snooped on his social media and watched like the nosy mom I am. One thing you could always count on from “Loe Drxp” (Ja'Mir's stage name) was a bar about his mama. Every song he dropped a jewel that his mom told him: “Mama told me move smarter…you ain’t livin right,” “My mama say, son you a diamond,” and my personal favorite, “I can’t let em whack me nigga, I’m my mama only son” 💔. I thought it was the coolest thing ever that he always paid homage in his gift that he got from her.
Finally, in October of 2022, I got a chance to meet Ja’Mir, B. Alexis’ whole heart. We also met her grandmother Marilyn; a wise, loving elder who reminded me of my own late grandma who raised me. Ja’Mir was a humble, quiet, handsome young man with a peaceful soul. He was a great listener, when he spoke it was thoughtful and genuine; though he didn't speak much at first, as the day went on he started to get more comfortable with us and began sharing more about his life and times. He took us to their old condemned home and spoke with keen knowledge of his family tree. We spoke about the big city and his dreams for the future… his eyes lighting up imagining making it out of his small Southern town. We spoke about his mother, my artist and now friend, B. Alexis. I asked him how it felt growing up with his mom being in prison (B. Alexis has been incarcerated since Ja’Mir was two) — to which he had the most beautiful outlook — that even though his mom had been in prison his whole life, he still held a few fond memories of her in the free world. Even more moving was that Ja’Mir felt closer to his mother than his friends with moms in the free world. He emphasized that he felt incredibly blessed to have such a great mom, a parent who he could share everything with, even if only through phone lines. I left that trip with my heart incredibly full, feeling the beauty of building this community on an even deeper level than before.
(L-R) Me, Ms. Marilyn (B. Alexis’ Grandma), Ja’Mir, Fury Young. Photo: Fury Young
In the subsequent months our sons both turned 18 and for me - my kid’s newfound manhood was threatening my sanity. My son — a child with abandonment issues, ADHD, PTSD and substance abuse issues — was now an adult with these same problems. A number of crises occurred back to back which left me defeated, depleted, angry and a host of other emotions and for a moment… I gave up. I was tired. Tired of the calls in the middle of the night, tired of scraping up lawyer money… one night I got a call that my son overdosed on a fake pill and thankfully they brought him back with narcan. I gathered all our family for a last attempt at an intervention which was unsuccessful. I began emotionally preparing myself for what seemed to be inevitable. I talked to B for a long time that day. She let me vent, but didn’t say much… and then she did something she’d never done. She called me the next day. She didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, she didn't sugar coat my situation. She held me accountable in the gentlest of ways and let me know I couldn't give up on my child. I let what her words sink in for a day or two and I reached out to my kid. Things have still been rocky, but I'm hanging in there. I needed that and I want to publicly thank you B. I want to thank you for all our intimate talks and prayers you've bestowed upon me and my family. I've felt them truly.
February 1st, 9:31AM. I got a text from B with four words. “They killed my baby.” A heartbreaking message that I couldn't find the words to respond to. Still. Ja’Mir was gunned down early in the morning on the school bus stop, equipped with nothing but his backpack. How unfair this world can be. 💔💔💔 I took a few days to grieve that beautiful spirit, and grieve for my friend who was a great mother. To grieve for the legacy that has transformed, for the dreams that have transitioned to an eternal sleep. I can't put into words how this has affected me, or maybe I can, but everything isn't for everybody — which I'm learning. If this letter is meant for you — you get it. I've actually written several versions of this; erasing many parts, leaving them between God and I and whoever’s spirit is granted access to our conversation. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
It's a waste of energy to imagine our souls without these scars, but sometimes I wonder… what could have been? How about our children? Ja’Mir could have been an engineer… My son Mystique could be a world renowned chef. Fortunately, this cycle didn't begin with us but it's devastating it didn't end with us either. Nevertheless, these are my flowers to you Ja’Mir 💐🌹 I will continue to support your mom in any way I can. I am blessed to have met you and shared space with you. Your legacy will continue youngin. LONG LIVE LOE DRXP 🕊🕊🕊
Watch B. Alexis - Black Barbie
Watch Loe Drxp - Titty Boy